dealing with death

The situation I am writing about in this case occurred on my Gerontology placement. Whilst there I had many older patients, usually in their late eighties or nineties, and I became quite used to dealing with them on a daily basis, and in my mind I was quite prepared for the fact that they would probably pass away one day soon due to their age and deteriorating conditions. But then I had a 65 year old man assigned to me, and for the facility that was a fairly young age. This patient had a number of problems such as heart conditions and a possible cancer, but the reason he was admitted to hospital was for poor self care, and this was something that really bothered me, that somebody could be so depressed that they just stop looking after themselves.

I developed a good relationship with this man and he became one of my most enjoyable patients. He was making such good progress and was soon to be going home. I treated him on a Thursday morning, but then on the Friday morning when I arrived he was not in his room, and I found out he had had a heart attack that night and had been rushed to another hospital. I was not given any other information, and I knew due to confidentiality reasons I had no way of finding out if he was ok. A few days later I overheard a doctor talking and realised my patient had actually died. I was very upset as this was the first patient I had had that had died and I had no idea how to deal with it all. And then I started to think about all the things we had done that day, making sure I had not done anything too much for him. I just could not understand how someone so young compared to the other patients could just die so suddenly, and how unfair it was that no one told me seeing as I had been working with him for so long.

I spoke with my supervisor about it and she managed to help me understand that it was just a part of life when working with the aged, and that the first time is always the hardest. I did feel a bit better, but I also realised that as students, none of us are really equipped to deal with death, and maybe that is something that needs further attention paid to in class. But this whole experience also made me realise that it is so important not to get attached to patients, and that you must be able to separate yourself from them in a way and just treat the problems you can treat. This is something that comes with experience though, and in future I will make sure in the back of my mind I am always prepared in some way for these things, regardless of the patients age.